Show Me Love
by Maige
Summary: Sexuality is puzzling thing. When the person one is attracted to doesn't know they exist at all, and with the threat of homophobia surrounding them, the prospect can come off as nothing other than Hell. Fem!EnglandxFem!Canada. Highschool AU.
1. Random Acts of Mindlessness

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia

**Notes**: Hey everyone! Sorry about being gone for so long from the world of Hetalia fanfiction. I'm still jumping from fandom to fandom like crazy. But, here I am - with a new story. Yeah, I know I have a million other MapleTea works to continue, but I've been craving to do this so badly, it's been rocking nonstop in my head, and I feel the need to at least get it out.

All in all, I'm hoping this will be a better version of I Just Don't Know How to Say It. Unlike that fanfic though, I'm going to go straight ahead and say that this is not going to be a light romantic comedy. I'll try to add in some humour, as I attempt to do with most of my stories, but it will mostly focus on drama, and the trope we always see in yuri/yaoi manga: BUT WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME GENITALIA.

I'm aware that now-a-days I'm much more known for writing hetero MapleTea, but...I sincerely hope that there will still be those who will appreciate a lesbian version of it, or who will at least be willing to test it out.

Now, let's wrap up this terribly long author's note, eh?

**Warnings:** Nyotalia!MapleTea, smut between women, a first-person style of writing that goes between Maddie and Alice, blatant homophobia, and...basically everything that comes along with the package of an m-rated fic. Save for violence.

Enjoy!

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><p>It is possible for one to fully recognize their sexual orientation during the entirety of their life?<p>

If it is, I have experienced it.

As far back as I can remember I found myself attracted to women - when younger, I, at an age where most girls would cup their hands and giggle at the sight of any boys near them (as said boys would flee, screaming and wailing about the prospect of cooties), I would cup my hands and giggle at the sight of my fellow girls; while everyone else chased after boys on their stout legs, attempting to hold their hands, I would be darting after the girls, attempting to intertwine my hands with their own in the shy manner that I have.

Then I didn't understand.

Hell, none of my classmates understood.

The boys seemed happy that at least one of the disease-ridden females wasn't trying to pursue them and inflict them with the filth that had been made up for the years between Kindergarten and grade two.

The girls all sort of smiled sweetly at him, confusion laced in their smiles. They had wondered why this little blonde was mimicking their actions towards them, but allowed their chubby, childish fingers to lock in with each other nevertheless.

Innocent childish play that no won't had a care in the world about.

As I grew older this became more prominent.

By the age of seven, while the only love a child could feel towards a stranger was a crush of admiration, dormant for cartoon characters and actors of children's shows, my gaze always fell on the women; as what happened as I grew older. So pretty, curvy, _soft. _While my brother, two years older, came to praise female celebrities and the like, all I could do was sit back in silent agreement.

By the age of ten my brother, now at twelve, had started to praise his opposite sex in a much more mature state of speaking...much to the delight of my parent's. He did the most average of those boys near to the years of teenage-hood: hiding pornographic magazines, checking out women much more often, sneaking onto adult-oriented sites on our computer.

I sat in the background as he made me swore not to tell our parents, curious and wondering.

Finally, at the age of thirteen, my own curiosity spawned into something else.

A cousin of mine was worse than Alfred. He prattled on about sexual premises, about how the pornography that Alfred watched and read was cheap smut that shouldn't be allowed to hit the light of day, that he could introduced more dignified means of intercourse between people to my older brother...

...but at the same time he talked about love.

He saved those conversations for me.

It was strange. It still is. Between the never-ending onslaught of prude notions he also enjoyed talking about true love, true romance between two parties.

The thing that always struck me was he always said just that. _Romance between two parties. _Never romance between a man and a woman. At first I simply believed that he was saying it for, ah...an artistic sake, but one I asked him this, he gave me a dashing grin and an answer that will never leave my head.

'_Because love is not only meant for a woman and man. It is for all, regardless of gender. Besides, if I said 'man and man', 'woman and woman', and 'woman and man' it wouldn't be as snazzy and to the point as 'between two parties', non?'_

Not a year later I got what one would consider their first real crush. A good friend of mine, Ukrainian. We had both developed quite early, to say the least; though for some reason people ridiculed her over it. I was ignored, as usual, but you would think that, as budding teenagers, they would have gone absolutely nuts over her.

I confessed, and she sort of smiled and said she liked me too. When I cleared up what I was saying, and once she finally got the gist of it, she began to sob her eyes out - saying that she didn't know how to respond, that she didn't want to hurt my feelings.

All in all it was good for a first confession towards another girl.

We remained friends. I assured her that it was alright, that it was only a crush, that I'd probably get over it sooner or later. Our friendship was too strong to burst over something as silly as that.

It was because of the reaction I got from Kat that I had still yet to learn of the hatred, the ignorance from others that came with being who I am. The immediate reaction of disgust, the days and nights of endless mental torture as your inner self chewed you out, the days of going to school and seeing such slanderous words as 'FAG' spray painted your locker.

No, Francis helped me find that out.

Not long after I confessed to Kat, I went to him and told him everything that happened. He was my go-to person when it came to romance, and he was the only one I could trust with something like this. Francis didn't seem all too surprised that I liked women over men, but he appeared rather grave as the conversation went on. As before, his words continue to ring in my mind.

_"Cheri...I'm so glad that you can come to me with this...just...please understand this...don't tell anyone else. Not yet."_

_"W-what? Why not?"_

_"Mon petit, people don't look too well onto those who are gay. That's the term for it - well, you would be considered a lesbian, but gay all the same."_

_"But you...you like both girls and guys, right?"_

_"Oui, that is correct. I am openly pansexual - that means I don't care who I fall in love with, I don't have a preference - but that's because I can take it. If you come out...it's like immediately putting a bullsye on your forehead. I wouldn't be able to stand it if you went through any means of bullying."_

_"Why would I be bullied? I don't understand."_

_A sigh. "A lot of people don't look kindly onto homosexuals; another term, cheri."_

_"But - "_

_"I can't properly explain that. I don't want to introduce you to the prejudice the world holds at such a young age. Please keep it back from everyone else. Your Maman is open-minded, but your Papa is not. I doubt he will take kindly to it. I know Katyusha is a kind girl, and will keep this to herself..."_

_"Please, Francis-"_

_"Promise me, Madeline. S'il vous plait."_

_"...I promise."_

I couldn't understand then. Yes, my Papa was sort of a strict man, but only when it was needed. Most of the time he was laid back, somewhat goofy, and always willing to help out Alfred, Francis, or I whenever an occasion came to the light.

Another year passed and I came to comprehend my cousin's words.

We were just getting home from school when it happened. We were called out by Papa, Alfred and I, and sat down in his office, only to be informed that Francis had been severely beaten at his French immersion school across town. We weren't informed on why exactly he was bullied by his peers, but after arriving in the hospital it became all too clear.

He was the victim of a hate crime.

Based purely on his sexuality.

Two friends of his, a Spaniard named Antonio and a self-proclaimed Prussian named Gilbert informed us that, unbeknownst to everyone else, he had been being pushed around quite often by those at his school; something that had been apparently going on since he was enrolled in the school. They told us this (only my inner family, as Francis' parents had been long dead) while he was resting.

Alfred already knew that Francis was pansexual and was okay with it, so naturally he was pretty pissed off and continually demanded the heads of the people that injured our cousin.

My parents weren't aware of his sexuality.

Maman was worried and full of fire as Alfred, demanding that we took in Francis for the time being and let him live with us until he was better again, and until those miscreants were taken care of.

Papa...he agreed to this...

He's my step-father. But I could still tell that he was uncomfortable.

A week after he was admitted to the hospital the police of the Western part of the island treated this so damn lightly.

Eventually they made it seem like the bullies were the victims in this obscene attack.

From then on I refused to let out my sexuality, even to Alfred, whom would most likely have been okay with it; knowing him he would have probably supported me. We fought often, had those usual squabbles between siblings, but I could count on him any day.

But I was fearful.

Terrified.

I was afraid that the fists would be coming my way next.

Thank the Gods, Francis made a recovery.

What terrified me the most was that he was so _chipper _after getting out of the hospital. His normal self, flamboyant self. Laughing it off and saying that they will get what's coming to them, that karma's a wonderful bitch, etc, etc.

I could never do that.

Sexuality...it's such a funny thing. People believe that because a country has allowed gay marriage, that each of its citizens are equally accepting of any sort of love, and don't care about what a complete stranger wants to do with their life. They believe that this is completely true with Canada.

They couldn't be any more wrong.

And now, two years since then, here sits Madeline Williams, sixteen years of being so far back into the closet I'm in Narnia, and gazing upon the woman I now love.

British, a senior...Alice Kirkland.

I had many crushes over the last couple of years, silent love that came and went without a second thought, as I dampened down the yearning I felt and pushed it violently to the side, refusing to give in to the will to confess my love for whoever my heart had set its sights on.

This...this was different...mon dieu, I can't even describe it.

Every time I see her...I feel all of those characteristic sensations that are supposed to come with love. Everything. The butterflies in the stomach, palms becoming slick, throat closing up, my heart pounding so hard it's practically about to burst out from my chest...

Now that I think over it, that seems more like the symptoms of an allergic reaction, but still. Every time.

Surprisingly enough, there weren't much people who shared my admiration for her, Alfred include. Whenever he saw her his nose scrunched up and he commented on how stuffy she is, or how she always picked on him for no reason what-so-ever.

Most said they didn't like her for her personality.

Others only took one glance at her appearance and turned away.

She had piercing emerald eyes that bored into whomever she was looking at. Her sandy-blonde hair, even longer than mine, was always put up into twin tails. Strange for someone who was in their last year of high school, but who am I to judge? I used to wear pigtails until I started high school. I was getting tired of people mistaking me for a twelve-year old from behind.

Alice is always adorned in school uniforms...despite the fact that the school doesn't have any uniform, and it isn't in the regiment. Old-fashioned glasses finish the ensemble. She always look cool, crisp, somewhat stern, and ready for anything that was going to come her way.

Unlike me.

I usually allow my hair to cascade down in messy ringlets that are nearly impossible to tame. I refuse to let go of my red hoodie (even though Francis berates me for it, saying that it does nothing to compliment my figure nor show off certain areas - I don't want to show off certain areas) but with some coaxing from both Francis and Alfred the rest of my attire consists of a never-ending supply of skinny jeans and fashionable, up-to-date glasses.

To put it short, I still look like a nerd.

Most of my classmates calls Alice one, though I can't see it. She's simply old-fashioned.

Besides her looks though...yes, she is quite stern. Especially when whatever class we're in is appointed into a group.

Like right now. English class.

Yet I've seen her be incredibly kind to others. She's nothing but nice to Sakura, a Japanese student in our English class. She's one of the few in a loose circle to actually respect the Asian girl's boundary problems, and often gives a tongue lashing to those who don't.

And myself...the first time that I came here...

The high school's so big. Naturally, my first day of grade nine I got lost in its expanse of hallways, nearly frustrated to tears and unable to find anyone that I knew. Eventually I came across Alice, whom was aiding students like myself around the gigantic building. She had smiled the most beautiful smile that had ever graced itself over a person and gave me detailed instructions to each classroom, even going so far to showing me directly to my homeroom.

Just like that, I was sunk.

I'm not usually the sort to believe in love at first sight - yet this time it's too hard to ignore.

I want to be near her. I want to tell her how I feel, I want to hear the same from her, I just want to be in her presence until the end of time, to learn more about her, to have her learn more about me, maybe bring me a bit out of this cursed shell that I currently reside in -

Not that I could tell her this.

As I grew older, I grew shyer. The incident with Francis was no help in further carving my tomb of unwanted solitude. We were in two classes (and in Student Council together) and I could barely say a word to her without stuttering. Hell, even just getting one word out is difficult enough.

It didn't matter all too much anyhow. I was used to staying out in the sidelines like this. Besides, I doubt she would ever listen. We were in two of the same classes and in the Student Council together, yet still -

"Hey! Are you listening?"

I was abruptly broken out of my thoughts as a sweet, British lit floated through my ears. Blinking, I turned my head and found myself staring directly into Alice's dark green eyes.

Not five centimeters.

From.

My.

Face.

Oh God.

My mouth opened, practically unhinged itself from my jaw, but nothing came out. Seeing that I wasn't going to get anywhere with my throat steadily becoming more and more dry by the ever passing second, I shut my trap all together and just stared back at her, trying desperately to stop a rapid-fire blush from rising to my cheeks.

_She's close...so close...nearly enough to kiss - oh mon dieu don't think like that Maddie! Your face is going to go red if you let Francis into your mind!_

I swallowed heavily.

One eyebrow, somewhat bushy at the edges where they nearly came together, perked upwards in both annoyance and confusion.

"Well?"

"M-Maddie?" A concerned voice from my side. Kat's. "A-are you alright?"

"Perhaps you should lean back, Alice-san." Sakura, from the right. "I believe Madeline-chan doesn't like having people being so close to her."

Alice blinked rapidly, thankfully realizing that this just might be the truth. With an indignant cough she lessened the proximity between us. I let out a small breath, not realizing until then that I was holding my breath. Only then did I find the strength and courage to talk.

"I-I'm sorry," I muttered quietly on reflex, feeling the need to apologize profusely. "I just zoned out, I won't do it again. Sorry."

A stare, and then an exasperated sigh. Alice rubbed at her temples in barely concealed frustration, obviously not too thrilled with my day dreaming. "It's fine. There are no need for apologies. Just, please, don't do it again, -"

She suddenly cut off, brow creasing in perplexity.

My lips tugged downwards into a frown on their own accord. Oh c'mon! She should know this by now! It's been a year of knowing each other, being in the same classes, student council, passing by each other through the hallways, all of that!

Before I knew it, she straightened herself out and coughed again, uncomfortably this time, looking embarrassed. She glanced back and forth between Sakura and Kat, before settling gaze once more back onto me. I pretty much knew what was going to come next.

"I don't mean to be rude but...w-what was your name again?"

I'm beginning to believe that the fact that we're both girls is only going to be the first problem.

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><p><strong>Afterthoughts: <strong>Well, there it is. Some last notes:

-Yeah, this is going to be probably my first MapleTea where England isn't immediately attracted to Maddie. Unlike my other works, she isn't going to be fall instantly in 'like'.

-This is also my first first-person story since the before mentioned yuri fic I noted up there. Please bear with me if it's horrible.

-Sorry about the utter rant about homophobia up there. I did involve a lot of my experience with said subject into this story. In fact, the convo between Francis and Maddie was somewhat inspired by a conversation between myself and my father, who also told me to not come out publicly. Just get ready for a lot of homophobia related shit in this fic.

Feedback is loved! I would love to know how my first yuri in a while has turned out thus far.

As usual: **7-10 reviews **means the next chapter.


	2. Commonplace Occurrences

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia, nor anything copyrighted that I ever mention.

**Notes**: I was going to wait another while before typing this up, but...yesterday was my birthday, and as such on occasions where one would usually get gifts I mostly get books, I've been delving my way through _Christine _and as such is chockful of inspiration. Plus, I've just really wanted to dig more into this...I haven't felt this inspired to write chapter after chapter since I did Shag Tag~!

The other thing that is helping, especially with writing in the first-person, is a certain Scrubs fanfiction on here. It's a CoxJD slash fic called _My Unexpected Bad Habit_. If anyone here likes both Scrubs and that couple, seriously: go check it out! She takes the use of first person and fucking perfects it.

Thank you to all who reviewed and added this to your favourites/alert list. Every e-mail I got for this story was appreciated and I'm more than happy to see that people are willing to give this story a go.

All warnings from last chapter still apply, except for violence...considering I am planning on going far into the process of homophobia, there most likely will be some. Other than that, hope you all enjoy.

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><p>This isn't exactly the most rare of occurrences to happen in between the span of a one-sided love with two beings, especially if these two particular people in question are teenagers. It's practically a right of passage for those in the ages of thirteen to eighteen, and I don't know one person who wasn't asexual who didn't have the fortunate luck to not go through this.<p>

You see it in real life, in novels, shows, movies, anything - you name it.

It's the ultimate cliche. You take two people. One is absolutely head-over-heels for the other, and the oblivious one doesn't have a clue in the world that someone is pining for their attention and affection.

That would have been bad enough but no, no. God had a different plan for me and instead of putting indifference on me, he whacked me hard with the invisibility stick. At least people in the movies (and sometimes in reality) manage to get the attention of whomever they love, at least enough so the person they want to court could recognize them, name and appearance.

I'm not so lucky.

After that first day of school Alice completely forgot about me.

And I mean _forgot. _

Either that or the British girl has the memory span of a goldfish, a defect in her mind that she saves solely for myself.

Every time, for the last year and a half, every single time I gathered up the few particles of courage I hold within myself and went up to her to make some friendly chatter, or speak to her during Student Council meetings, I would always get the same response.

_I'm sorry, but who were you again?_

At least she tried to be courteous about it.

Even then, that was only half the time. The other half she wouldn't see me at all. I would throw off a 'hello' and Alice would go on about her business like she hadn't heard a thing. Say hello again, a bit louder this time, still nothing. Wave my hand in front of her face, nada.

Every time I would give up and walk off with the proverbial cloud over my head or go back to whatever I was doing with the same feeling of morose hanging over me.

This wasn't too uncommon either, though. Being invisible, I mean. A lot of people don't take notice of me, except for a very tight circle of the few people I can actually consider to be my friends. Some days not even my family nor teachers take notice of my existence. Thus why Francis was my only family member that I could feel like I could totally trust and go to whenever something was troubling in my -

"Madeline-chan? I believe we've lost you again."

Oh dieu. I really have to quit with the internal monologue when around other people.

I blink rapidly and find myself back in the classroom again. Just like not two minutes ago Kat and Sakura were looking at me with worried expressions, while Alice was slowly getting that frustrated look again, the one that said that she was going to snap and start yelling at someone if I don't get myself back in order.

"Nice of you to join us again Ma -" Alice cut herself off in what was undoubtedly going to be a tongue-lashing so bad that my brother would feel it. I watched as that cross expression on her features slowly morphed back to sheepish guilt. She probably just realized that both Kat and Sakura had been saying my name for the last few minutes, and because of that she shouldn't have been asking what my name was.

"Madeline," she started again, trying to appear empathizing. "Please try to pay attention. I wouldn't want one of my Student Council members -"

Oh my God she actually remembered! Both my name - finally, other people repeating it over and over has gotten to her head - and the fact that we're both in the Council!

"-to be doing poorly in any class, especially because their head is off in the clouds, now wouldn't we?"

Now only if she could remember what position I'm in - wait, I have to answer.

"N-non," I respond automatically in French. My Maman was born on the French side of the island, from French-Canadian parents. Though I was born on the West side, where those of Anglo descent rein, Maman took no hesitation in teaching me French long before we started to learn it manually in grade four. "I'm sorry, again. I promise I won't zone out."

Seemingly satisfied with that (though Alice's nose visibly crinkled momentarily from my French quip), she turned back to the two other girls in our group and continued on with what she had been talking about earlier; what novel to choose for the project we were currently included in.

Our English teacher was one of the most favourited in the school; an effeminate Finnish man who refuses to have anyone call him by his last name. So, against the principal's wishes, we all call him by Tino. He's a pretty nice man and, amazingly enough, he's openly gay with the woodshop teacher, Mr. Oxenstierna.

It was pretty obvious when Mr. Oxensterna began to call Tino, in front of his students, as his wife.

Anyway, he was among those of the new-age type, one of those teachers who believe that students should have more freedom than most would usually get. At the beginning of the semester he gathered us up in different groups (pairing up friends, no less; he trusts us a bit more than he probably should) and now usually gives interesting assignments.

Our current one: scope out a controversial novel, study it, and give a presentation explaining why the novel is controversial, if it should be considered that way or not, if it should be allowed in the school's reading system, etc. He continued to encourage us to also play a scene out from it, if it wasn't too inappropriate for school.

It sounds like a pretty interesting topic for me, to be sure. I already have a book in mind...something that stems off from what I have been thinking about for the last four years, something that caught my interest while I went through a period where I was searching up gay literature. But...we definitely weren't the strongest of groups.

Alice didn't mind completely taking over, but Tino had advised her on allowing the rest of us to share our personal opinions.

Kat would begin bawling at the drop of a dime if she believed she chose the wrong decision, or somehow offended someone with whatever she had decided on.

Sakura refused to make a decision at all and blindly followed what anyone else said.

And I, naturally, barely said a word.

No matter how badly I wanted to now.

Alice measured us all with a sigh. "Please. Does anyone have an idea? Tino's not going to accept it if I choose whatever novel we're going to push the assignment on."

C'mon Maddie! It's just three words. Three words of a title. Once you get that you, it won't be as hard to explain what it was about. It might be embarrassing as Hell, but you can do it! Just three words...you can do it Mads...gather some of that strength that you can use whenever you're around Alfred...

"I have an idea," the words at last left my mouth, slipping past my lips without the struggle that I had been expecting.

Finally!

Now...if only I hadn't said it with the same tone of voice as a mouse.

Katyusha, bless her soul, caught my squeak and swung her brilliant blue eyes over to me. "Did you say something, Madeline?"

Two more pairs of eyes fell upon me.

Oh great.

One of the reasons why I barely talked: because of my invisibility, I wasn't all that used to anyone's attention being focused fully onto me. Because of that, whenever attention is on me, I get utterly embarrassed and flustered. Then, to make things even easier, the capillaries in my cheeks go off the rails and fill my face with blood; my always intense blush makes me even more embarrassed.

And when it was Alice who's dazzling, clover-hued orbs glued onto me...my face feels like it's going to spontaneously combust from the heat.

Which was what it was doing at this very moment.

How I wished I could have Kumarie in my arms right now. Just to hide my face in her faux-fur.

I linked my fingers nervously, cleared my throat, and tried again. "Yes. I-I have an idea for a novel we could use. It has a rather large bad rap on it and has been banned from various schools because of its content, even though there's nothing actually graphic in it. I believe it would be a good choice because the controversy surrounding it is a big topic in today's world."

Whoa. Did I actually say all that? That couldn't have been my voice, speaking so confidentially and without the usual stutter that plagues my vocal cords, absolutely contradicting how tense my body was and how heated my cheeks were from embarrassment.

Alice straightened herself out, nodding thoughtfully. "And what's it called?"

"_Rosemary and Juliet," _I answered, my flush deepening as I said the title. "By Judy Maclean."

It was a risky move. I didn't know how Alice would react to anything concerning homosexuality. Just because our teacher was gay, didn't mean that everyone in the class was comfortable with it. A lot of the boys in our class, despite still liking Tino as an educator, are still edgy around him. Some of the girls as well.

Swallowing hard, I looked around to gauge the reactions of everyone.

Sakura nodded in agreement. As normal.

Kat gave me a knowing look and mirrored the Asian girl's nod.

Alice thought about it for another moment, before - to my surprise - giving off a third nod of agreement. My jaw nearly dropped to the desk. Was she accepting of gay people, lesbians included? Or was she just completely indifferent to it?

Or was she just happy that someone else went ahead for once?

Either way...this was great!

"Alright, we'll go along with that," Alice murmured approvingly. The warmth emanating from my face was growing to be so bad I was afraid that in the next few seconds I was going to faint. "Sounds well enough. By the title I'm guessing that it deals with lesbians...do you think that you could find a copy for us, Madeline?"

_She remembered my name. _For the second time in less than ten minutes. I don't care if my cheeks are about to blow in a mess of too much blood. This was worth it.

"Yes, that's what it's about, and yes, I can get us a copy."

Another nod and a smile that nearly blew me off my feet. "Thank you. We'll be counting on you."

There was on fifteen minutes left in the class. We had spent most of our time with Alice trying her best to get Kat and Sakura to give in suggestions and trying her best to keep myself from day dreaming. So, for the last quarter of English we broke off, Katyusha to me and Sakura to Alice, and chatted about aimless things until a bell resounded through the air.

As my fellow students and I piled out of the room and into the vast hallways of the school, eager to get through before said halls were filled to the brim with teenagers, Alice gently chided me to the side. The touch of her hand imprinted on my arm and stayed even after she removed herself, like a burn from a stove top.

"Do you think you can get the book before Friday comes out," was the first thing she said, followed by a shake of the head. "I should have asked you this beforehand."

"O-Of course," I said, mentally cursing myself for allowing that stutter to rose to its vile surface. "I had been looking through Coles not too long ago and spotted it. They still had a lot of copies then, so I'll be able to have it by Wednesday."

Sort of a lie. I had checked it out on the website and saw that it was in the store in the nearest mall.

"Good." Alice smiled again. It was insane how just a twist of the lips could make someone so beautiful. "Good. Now, I'll also be seeing you at the next Student Council meeting, right? Don't forget that it had been pushed to Thursday."

I nodded numbly, too blindsided by that gorgeous smile to give a proper response.

Still wearing that sweet grin, Alice turned away and began to walk off, only turning around once to bid me adieu.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Matilda."

Well. There went my good mood.

_Hey. At least she got the first two letters correct. _

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><p>"Hey Maddie...why'd did you pick out that certain book?"<p>

I looked up from my little packet of poutine and brought my gaze over to Kat. We were sitting across from each other at my kitchen table. It was an hour after school ended, and since we had nothing better to do for now - the deadline for getting our book was this Friday -, nor much homework, she came over and we had spent time with idle chat and poutine nibbling.

We had the house to ourselves. Both of my parents were still at work and Alfred hadn't come home out. He was either at football practice or protesting against the closing of the Burger King downtown. Alfred took anything concerning fast food restaurants, especially those akin to McDonalds, Wendys, or Burger King, in a frighteningly serious manner.

Then again, I do the same with food native to Canada, so I shouldn't be judging.

It was rare for Kat to come over right after school like this. She didn't have any parents, and acted as parent to her younger siblings; Ivan, whom was my age and in the same grade, and Natalya...whom I swear is schizophrenic, though no one would admit it...and I would never allow this guess to pass along to Kat.

Even if everyone else who knew the Belorussian thought the same thing.

"Shouldn't you know?" I asked, offering her another gravy and cheese-covered fry, to which she shook her head. I shrugged and popped the delicious treat into my mouth.

"You've been more quiet about your sexual preferences lately," Kat mused, staring at me with that knowing look once more. That was the thing about her...she usually took the parental attitude she held for her brother and sister and used it on her friends Namely me. "Until you brought this up. Were you giving a suggestion off the top of your head, or were you seeing how Alice would react?"

I frowned. I had yet to tell her that I had a crush on Alice. "What are you-?"

"Maddie, I know you well by now," she gently interrupted me, smiling kindly. "And even though you've never told me about your feelings, they are as plain on your face as your glasses. You...you look at Alice in the same way that you used to look at me."

I didn't say anything in return.

Her smile widening, but still staying incredibly soft, she placed her hand gently over my free one and went on, "You don't have to answer my earlier question. But please answer this...why didn't you tell me in the first place? You've told me every other time you got a crush on someone."

Why? That was a good question. I've been infatuated with Alice since the second I saw her, and yet I haven't spoken a word about it to anyone for the last year and six months. Not even a peep had been revealed to Francis about this.

Maybe because this was the first time I didn't like referring to my love for her as a crush. That sounded too much line the billions of flings a normal girl would have, the kind that last around a few weeks before they fall into a burst of flames. Something that wasn't serious, a passing phase.

This didn't feel like a passing phase.

My silence was apparently answer enough.

Kat patted the back of my hand with friendly affection. "I understand. As always, you know that I'll support you."

"Thank you." I smiled tiredly.

"Have you told anyone else about this?"

"Non."

The Ukrainian bit her lip for a second, then said, "I don't know if I'll be much help with this...I was never much help...why don't you ask Francis? I know that you've said he's always helpful in these situations...and he can help you get noticed, right?"

Francis' way of getting me noticed would most likely include transparent undergarments and a shirt/skirt ensemble that would be more suitable for someone years younger than myself. Knowing him, it would also include something to suck on, in means of grabbing attention.

No way.

Although...he could give good advice on what to say...but the clothing...

"I-I can't," I muttered, poking at the remains of my poutine. "I'm afraid of what he'll suggest. B-besides, I don't even know if she'll go my way or not. She accepted the novel, but that could only be because she just wanted to get the choosing process out of the way. What if I confess to her and she turns against me? What if she feels disgusted by me?"

"Alice doesn't seem like that kind of person." Kat absently adjusted her hair band. "I don't think she would do anything like that to you, nor feel anything like that towards you. Why...why don't you ask her if she wants to go out somewhere? Just on a friendly outing?"

A friendly outing. Sounds safe enough...but, there was one problem with that. "What reason would I give to asking her?"

Kat winced, her parental demeanor slowly crumbling back down to her more sensitive side. "O-oh, right. I have no idea. Perhaps we should try going to Francis. I know that some of his advice and speech can be...ah...i-inappropriate, but he's still your cousin, and I know he'll help you out."

...Alright, she had a point.

Francis was the most perverted living being I have yet to meet, but he was supportive. He helped me discover my sexual identity and helped me through the pain I had felt after Kat had rejected me. He had aided me with every plight concerning love I experienced during my short sixteen years of life.

Maybe...maybe this could work. Just a simple outing. Girls did it all the time with each other. I didn't know if Alice was the type to crawl the malls (I certainly wasn't) but it would be worth giving it a shot. For the first time since we met, it could be a good chance to finally get to know each other better. Talk about things other than Student Council or what we had to do in English class.

"D'accord," I said, smiling faintly. "I'll try it."

It was time for Madeline Williams to get out of her shell.

And get to know Alice better.

And to have her know me better.

And to find out what her sexual identity was.

And to try to do that without freaking her out or repulsing her.

And to get her to remember who I am.

And to -

Okay. This was going to be more difficult than I thought.

* * *

><p><strong>Afterthoughts: <strong>But, as a fictional doctor on a Dramedy show said: Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy. Alrighty, now some more notes:

-Sorry about the lack of dialogue from Maddie. I'm incorporating the usual shy qualities onto Maddie - everything she wants to say is in her mind but she just can't say it, leaving to her not speaking much, not even while around close friends/family. Once she gets more close to Alice, she'll get more talkative.

-Rosemary and Juliet is a real book. Try it out people. It's basically a modern version of Romeo and Juliet, lesbian style; except, they're constantly separated because of sexuality and family. Also, it will be more involved in this fic. That and the assignment.

-Hrm. Not really much else. Except that now this is basically going to be dedicated to my real life Igiko. She's helped me through everything that Maddie and Alice are going to go through, so this is for you my Iggy~! I would put a heart emoticon, but FF doesn't allow it. :c

Please **R & R** and tell me what you think! **7-10 reviews** for the next chapter.


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